Today is results day. To anyone who has had to receive medical results for themselves or for a family member they know what this day is like. In the days leading up to today it feels like you are somersaulting through emotions - sometimes flying through moments because you just don't know how to feel anymore.
In my situation, which is not really that unique, I haven't lived the diagnosis for that long. Prior to September the results day often just meant another day of seeing the doctors where they would speculate another disease path or tell me their theory on what was happening with my body - giving me some positivity with that hint of "who knows what is going to happen" - always enlightening for a young person in their twenties.
Now that I have the diagnosis...it is hard to still believe, hear, and read the results. Sometimes it feels like I am living someone else's life that I can't help, control, or change. There is a part of me that feels that if I eat healthy, rid myself of as many chemicals such as parabens, sulphates, etc (this was a new kick I got on this last progression) and take my medications then I will halt this disease in its tracks. It makes me feel that I have some control.
For anyone going through this though, there is the sadness of the still what is lost, the anger towards what is happening, and fear of the unpredictability of the disease. These are natural feelings to feel, and I can say that I feel them each and every time that I go forward to results appointments, and so do many other people I know who face disease.
At least I can happily say that despite whatever is said today, I will still go back to Fort St. John at the end of today to a career that I love and my husband that I love. Two things that I thought would never happen because of having a chronic disease but did. So either way, I am happy, and as my Auntie says there are angels on all of our shoulders :)
Stay tuned for the results....and here is some "little Miss Sunshine" to brighten some dreary Vancouver weather...someone asked me to bring the Fort St. John sun...I tried but here, I will try a little harder ;)